With the Lenten season now underway, many people are discussing what they gave up as part of their fast and why. The past several years I have given up sweets, pop, (some) TV, Facebook, etc. I've also had years when I added a certain good to my life: I would try to think positively about each person I met, I would pray more often, go to Mass an extra day of the week, and a variety of other things I have since forgotten. The purpose of Lent, as I have been told from a young age, is to change something in your daily life that is both a sacrifice and a means of improving your spirituality. But, I still drink pop, my sweet tooth has not disappeared, I frequent Facebook quite often, and I'm guilty of binge-watching more than one TV show on Netflix. Just as these things fell back into their normal routine once Easter had past, so did my dedication to attending additional Masses or increased prayer habits. I think some of these things are expected; we can't fast forever. But what I think I have realized I am most disappointed with in my own past experiences with Lent is that I don't actually remember gaining anything extraordinary from my "sacrifices". So this year, I hope to change that.
I am giving up mirrors.
This statement has been met with many a quizzical look, raised eyebrow, or confused, "Okay?". How does one give up mirrors? Especially living in a college dorm with ~300 other girls, and with a roommate, I can't really expect to avoid all mirrors. I know this, but I'm not going to condemn myself to hell for accidentally glimpsing myself as I walk by a reflective window, or when I walk out of a bathroom stall to the mirrors above the sink. That is going to happen, I know. Rather, my goal is simply to be more conscious of where mirrors are and try to avoid looking in them longer than it takes to remember that it's Lent.
I prepared by going through my wardrobe in the preceding week and figuring out which clothes actually match. I also played around with drying my hair without using a mirror, and different ways to put my hair up that is no-fuss but doesn't look too disastrous. Fortunately for me, the messy, I-just-woke-up, college student look is really chic right now. At least, I'm going to pretend it is. For the most part, I shouldn't run into major problems. If I do, I have given my roomie full permission to tell me that it just isn't working out and I definitely need to change. Basically, my self-dignity is in her hands, and I'm trusting that she won't mess with me a little bit just for kicks. So far, and it's only been 48 hours, I think things have been okay.
Already though I am noticing some things. I thought it would be much easier to be aware of mirrors and looking in them. That is a choice I actively make, right? However I've caught myself habitually looking in the mirror several times a day—when I wake up, when I brush my teeth, when I wash my hands, when I am about to leave the room. Even when my computer screen goes to sleep, the black allows me to see my reflection. I never before realized just how frequently I am staring at myself. Not out of vanity, necessarily, but just because it's available to me. I've also been extremely worried about how I look to others. Just today I was sure something was on my face because people looked at me. Instead of assuming the best of myself and others (that we were merely two strangers who were unafraid to look each other in the eye as we walked past, or that maybe I actually looked pretty damn good today), I automatically thought that I must look horrible and everyone is wondering why I would actually walk out in the open looking like I did.
Why do I presume that I look bad, that other people are judging me? That isn't fair to myself, and certainly not fair to believe of complete strangers. And, even so, why should I care what they think? It's time I became comfortable in my own skin, with my own un-made-up face (though I am capable of putting on mascara without a mirror), with my body. There will be lots of challenges in the next 38 days that I have to overcome, and hopefully the temptation to peek a glance won't become too powerful. With time, I believe that I will become used to not looking in mirrors anymore. It will become more habitual to trust myself and my own body confidence rather than seek approval from the reflection in the mirror. Maybe there will be lessons I can pass on to others. No matter what, I am excited to see how I grow from this Lenten season. Then, when Lent is over, and I do start looking in mirrors again, I'm praying that the lessons of self-acceptance I learn during this Lent will stay with me forever.
I'll need it because 4 days after Easter is Bald & Beautiful, and I'm shaving all my hair off.
I am giving up mirrors.
This statement has been met with many a quizzical look, raised eyebrow, or confused, "Okay?". How does one give up mirrors? Especially living in a college dorm with ~300 other girls, and with a roommate, I can't really expect to avoid all mirrors. I know this, but I'm not going to condemn myself to hell for accidentally glimpsing myself as I walk by a reflective window, or when I walk out of a bathroom stall to the mirrors above the sink. That is going to happen, I know. Rather, my goal is simply to be more conscious of where mirrors are and try to avoid looking in them longer than it takes to remember that it's Lent.
I prepared by going through my wardrobe in the preceding week and figuring out which clothes actually match. I also played around with drying my hair without using a mirror, and different ways to put my hair up that is no-fuss but doesn't look too disastrous. Fortunately for me, the messy, I-just-woke-up, college student look is really chic right now. At least, I'm going to pretend it is. For the most part, I shouldn't run into major problems. If I do, I have given my roomie full permission to tell me that it just isn't working out and I definitely need to change. Basically, my self-dignity is in her hands, and I'm trusting that she won't mess with me a little bit just for kicks. So far, and it's only been 48 hours, I think things have been okay.
Already though I am noticing some things. I thought it would be much easier to be aware of mirrors and looking in them. That is a choice I actively make, right? However I've caught myself habitually looking in the mirror several times a day—when I wake up, when I brush my teeth, when I wash my hands, when I am about to leave the room. Even when my computer screen goes to sleep, the black allows me to see my reflection. I never before realized just how frequently I am staring at myself. Not out of vanity, necessarily, but just because it's available to me. I've also been extremely worried about how I look to others. Just today I was sure something was on my face because people looked at me. Instead of assuming the best of myself and others (that we were merely two strangers who were unafraid to look each other in the eye as we walked past, or that maybe I actually looked pretty damn good today), I automatically thought that I must look horrible and everyone is wondering why I would actually walk out in the open looking like I did.
Why do I presume that I look bad, that other people are judging me? That isn't fair to myself, and certainly not fair to believe of complete strangers. And, even so, why should I care what they think? It's time I became comfortable in my own skin, with my own un-made-up face (though I am capable of putting on mascara without a mirror), with my body. There will be lots of challenges in the next 38 days that I have to overcome, and hopefully the temptation to peek a glance won't become too powerful. With time, I believe that I will become used to not looking in mirrors anymore. It will become more habitual to trust myself and my own body confidence rather than seek approval from the reflection in the mirror. Maybe there will be lessons I can pass on to others. No matter what, I am excited to see how I grow from this Lenten season. Then, when Lent is over, and I do start looking in mirrors again, I'm praying that the lessons of self-acceptance I learn during this Lent will stay with me forever.
I'll need it because 4 days after Easter is Bald & Beautiful, and I'm shaving all my hair off.